i think people expected us to get along, actually, they expected us to be friends. we just don't mesh. there are days when i feel she's so nice to me, and days when her tone of voice seems to say "get away from my friends, you don't belong here". 


so should i leave?

so i would really love a new mix CD if anyone has free time on their hands (if that's even possible). as many of you know, and a good bunch of you don't know, i don't actually listen to that much music, i kind of just hear people talking about bands and start listening to them mainly if someone burns me a CD or i happen to have to money. anyway, i'm running out of music, my last source being ocomogosiay from last year!!! that's a while back. 
any help would be much appreciated.
and yes, i am still depressed about valentine's day mainly because at least one day out of the week i am surrounded by girls two years younger than me who have had boy friends on and off for about two years--great. not to mention the fact that one of them decided to lower her standards (when it comes to guys) because she hasn't had a boyfriend for about two months. *gasp*. i haven't had a boyfriend in, o i don't know, wait! i've never had a boyfriend. 
that is why i get depressed around this time of year, because i have never had a boyfriend.
i guess a crush really is someone that nothing happens with--hence, you are crushed--life is too depressing.

LO
VE

today was epic beyond belief, let me just ramble:
(maybe backwards would be best)

post mattress huggings and good jobs. mattress post intermission. snow fight during intermission part II. talking. snow fight during intermission part one. slipping and falling. mattress pre intermission. pre mattress line waiting with sorrento's pizza and starbucks frappucinos (which for once did not remind me of CTY). the llama. getting the usher's crowns. helping decorate for mattress. quiet commons. crushes. babushkas. ipod nanos. unknown. getting drinks. chem. speedball. blank check and various topics from lunch. seventeen magazine. "this is ridiculous". preferiria. tents and various other topics from math. mike talking like he's ghetto (or fake ghetto) or basically making wierd noises. and back on the topic of sex in english.

MATTRESS WAS AMAZING. everyone in it was amazing, tonight was amazing!

too bad it could self destruct in so many ways.

to all my massachusetts friends. i apologize for the absence of the white in a white christmas. 
i am happy to say, however, that ironically enough it snowed in jerusalem today. that's right, it snowed in jerusalem before it did in boston. ODD. well, it kind of made my day. tomorrow, while my mom is doing something serious, i will be playing in the snow!

so i went shopping with my mom yesterday in downtown jerusalem, by far one of my favorite places to be in worldwide. best bargains ever. i bought like seven or eight nice pairs of earings for like 20 bucks and they're really pretty. i'll probably keep a bunch of them for myself. 
i would also like to apologize ahead of time if you don't like your present, again my mom was involved so some of the things i find really ugly, but maybe you won't. either way, everyone will be getting a yummy piece of chocolate with their present which will make up for everything.
after shopping we went to eat lunch at Ramat Eshkol and we got a parking ticket, apparently you need to pay to park there now (this wasn't true 6 months ago when we were last here). whatever, we had fun. I love the animals that roam the streets of israel, they're soooooo cute. 

well I'm in israel, and i must say that my niece and nephew are extremely cute. 

still, after going on facebook, i cannot help but be depressed:
1. of course, there are all the pictures from Medini's party and i can't help but think that i would have had a great time, i mean everyone else did.
2. i realize that no one posts on my wall continuously. basically even though it seems like i have a ton of friends, none of them talk to me. and i realize, i'm not there, i'm really far away, but i can't help it, it makes me sad that no one seems to really talk to me.
3. i see other people's posts from people who i thought were good friends and were just not posting because they're never on, but if they have time to post on other people's  walls...
4. please don't take any of this seriously or personally, this trip is pretty rough.
5. i wish i could just find my place in the world (both physically and not)

ok, now that i'm done being depressing/depressed i'm leaving. anyone notice that me being friendless is a recurring theme? too bad i know i have friends. i'm such a messed up person.

too bad there's not much to say.

some highlights:
basically chem made my day. we had to go out, it was 25 degrees out (aka -4 degress C) and get water, poor steph had to like dip her hand in 4 degree C water for a while, i only dipped mine in for a sec to wash off some 12M base. it was freezing. but i guess we kind of bonded in a sense, the three of us freezing cold together. it was truly fun.

lowlight:
does the fact i can't draw a perfect heart mean something?

i hate feeling forgotten and after talking to Diane about Beaverton yesterday, i decided to look back. Oregon never made me feel forgotten, i still talk to Kim, she talks to me. Arizona kills me though. My favorite place in the whole world and the person i thought was my best friend long ago seems to have totally thrown me out of her lfe. i mean, yea, i moved away, but i came to visit. sure, i stopped visiting after a while, but she never came to visit me. i think i might try to talk to andrew, he talks to me once in a while. it's just such a crap ass feeling to feel like you remember these people but they totally forgot that you exist. i wish i was better at keeping in touch, but i always figured that it's easier to sever a friendship than it is to keep it going. and she seemed to agree. i can't forget all the people that do talk to me every once in a while. all those nice messages i get that say "hey, haven't talked to you in a while and wanted to see how you've been doing."
i guess i'm having a pretty hard day in that sense. all my self realizations. i am obsessed with moving, it is my easy out. i just want to get away.
maybe i'll disappear for the weekend.

LO
VE